Weighing Matters

my journey to b.e.t.t.e.r

oh my aching back!

I’m tired. I’m frustrated. My feet and legs ache and my back is throbbing. I had a particularly mentally and emotionally exhaustive workday, and now I want to sleep for twelve hours. Not good! This is not the way I want to feel! I still need to clean out the dishwasher and load it, wash four batches of permanent press and hang them, rake branches in the yard and mow, exercise, read scriptures, feed the cat, start dinner. Uughh. Where is that energy going to come from?

I started glancing through the May Ensign and saw Robert D. Hales’ talk. He said, “Today I speak to all whose freedom to choose has been diminished by the effects of ill-advised choices of the past. I speak specifically of choices that have led to excessive debt and addictions to food, drugs, pornography, and other patterns of thought and action that diminish one’s sense of self-worth. All of these excesses affect us individually and undermine our family relationships.”

He continues, “For both, the hopeful solution is the same—we must turn to the Lord and follow His commandments. We must want more than anything else to change our lives so that we can break the cycle of our uncontrolled wants.”

I read it again. Then I typed it! I’m here to tell you: My freedom of choice has been diminished by the effects of poor choices I have made! These extra pounds are killing me! I have started and stopped losing weight every month for over a year, usually doing well for a few days or even a week. I start to feel good, even great! And then: sabotage! It’s almost as if I believe I don’t deserve to be healthy, to feel energized, to be lean, to like myself! Talk about diminished sense of self-worth! [Note to self: Prophets know what they are talking about!]

Checking in:

158 in the buff this morning. [Woo-hoo!] I have eaten so healthy for four days in a row. Haven’t exercised like I need to but have done a little each day. [And by ‘little’ I mean at least four sets of four different exercises plus 100 abs.] I am aware of choices and being hyper – accountable. To who, though? Just me.

Goal:

Do something physical, spiritual, intellectual and emotionally strengthening today!

On a scale of 1 to 10 I want to say I’m eleven. I want to say I’m great. I’m awesome. For now it’s enough to say I’m heading in that direction. I take responsibility for being the only one who can take me from where I’ve been to where I’m heading.

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May 6, 2009 - Posted by | On a scale of 1 to 10

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