Weighing Matters

my journey to b.e.t.t.e.r

still yay!

Still 140, but it’s fast Sunday and I’m starving, so I need to take care and pay attention to the ‘natural sigh’ phenomenon and only eat until I’m pleasantly comfortable. This late Church business [1 pm – 4 pm] is pretty hard on fast Sunday. It’s 5:11 and I’m eating the first food of the day!

Some of the posts I read list the starting weight, goal weight and where I am in that process so today it’s 176/140/140! Yay! Or I could just say 161/140/140 for my most recent weight story. Still yay!

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January 3, 2010 Posted by | Goals, WooHoo, Yay! | Leave a comment

Week’s End

I’ve wanted the opportunity to write each week something I’ve discovered about myself, life, others — and do it consistently throughout the months and year. I notice I write the majority of my posts on the weekend when I have time to think, time to process; so I’m calling this post Week’s End, to signify a different kind of prose. This post will be personal, perhaps a little more serious, and something from my heart. That’s the goal. I’m not sure it will be of value to anyone else, but myself.

This week I learned I have a desire to stay connected to my roots, my family and my descendents. Several years ago my grandchildren gave me 100+ questions on small strips of brightly colored paper which were supposed to help me write my history. I half-heartedly gave it a try, but quit after writing perhaps a handful of responses. I felt like they were invasive and too personal to be writing down or saying out loud. I didn’t want anyone to know how many mistakes I made growing up and into adulthood. I was ashamed and embarrassed, but the more I thought of it, perhaps my children and grandchildren can learn from the mistakes of one old grandma.

So here we go [reaching into the giant 2 gallon glass jar with the apothecary lid].

Question 113. Tell about your teenage social life, your friends, dances, movies, dating, outings, church activities, etc.

[See, I’m just saying.]

I’m not proud of the way I behaved as a teenager. I dated way too early and too seriously. I didn’t have a good relationship with my Father so [looking back] I can see how I sought the approval of the male gender. I often dressed like a tramp and acted like one. I subsequently got pregnant at the age of sixteen and pretty much messed up my life and my baby’s.

I know this kind of behavior contributed to breaking my parent’s hearts and shaming my family. My only hope is that others who are at this stage of their life will actually learn from my experience and not date until they are older, double date with good friends, come home at a decent hour and be honest with themselves in all their activities. I pretended that I believed since I didn’t feel love from my dad that I needed to find ‘love’ somewhere else. But it’s been a whole lifetime of sorrow and regrets.

Ok. On a lighter note I learned something else this week. [See how uncomfortable that made me?]

Tracy and I were heading to town to have one last shopping binge and as I turned on the heat in the car I noticed a sickly sweet smell coming from the engine area. As I turned up the heater, I noticed it becoming stronger and stronger until I became quite worried that her cats had climbed up under the hood near the warm engine and had dragged some food out of the garbage to eat there. It smelled like cookies or cake or something that was getting increasingly more warm. After about five minutes of discussing this with Tracy I realized I had just put on some lip gloss called Cinnamon Sticky Buns and I was smelling my own lips as the car got warmer.

Demented. I know.

January 3, 2010 Posted by | And that's a wrap, Life, Out of the closet | Leave a comment

dRiVeS me cRaZy!

25 things that drive me crazy, make me mad or destroy my sanity: [Warning: you may not want to read this. Some content is unsettling or could be offensive to the pure in heart.]

1. Shrimp and other crawling sea creatures boiled alive and served as food for the human population.

2. Pornography. I hate going through a checkstand and seeing half-naked women right next to the candy bars, soft drinks and Chap Stick. When I was growing up, it was kept behind a counter or covered with brown paper.

3. People who leave their stuff on the toilet seat in a public restroom. This includes their poo, pee and paper.

4. People who use too much make-up. It seems they are hiding from the world and from themselves. I hate the orange line along the hair and jaw line of too dark [or the wrong color] make-up. Someone should be kind enough to tell the unwitting their makeup is all-wrong.

5. Forgetting important [and often trivial] things.

6. People who obviously haven’t studied the topic yet continually add their thoughts to the Gospel Doctrine class because they love the sound of their own stupidity. This kills the Spirit in a split second and undoes any good that was previously accomplished.

7. Really bad breath, and people who won’t bother to tell someone they could use a mint.

8. Gay and lesbian relationships. Holding hands and kissing in public. Movies and TV that insist on showing this depraved choice of lifestyle.

9. Bible bashing. Especially the morons who stand on the street corners during General Conference and yell at the top of their lungs that their views are more Christian than my beliefs.

10. Sewing machines that make knots under the fabric with the bobbin thread.

11. Manufacturers who try to trick me into eating more calories by putting 2 servings in a single package of say, a small bag of Sun chips, and list it on the nutritional label in very small print. This goes for a small bottle of juice as well. I mean, really, who is going to share the other half of a 14-ounce V-8 Splash after they have already put their germs on the rim?

12. People who can’t seem to rid their homes and yards of junk. This includes myself. My basement is a landfill in the making.

13. Public display of breasts. Big breasts falling out of a tiny tank top with a bra unequal to the exhibit. On more than one occasion I’ve walked over to a total stranger and said “Hitch it up, lady!”

14. Movies that would have been perfectly good but had to add vulgar language to up the rating.

15. Pop-up adds on my computer, especially the “one rule.” I’d like to “one-rule” them right in the nose.

16. Oprah weighing so dang much when she has access to the best dieticians, the best trainers and her own gym and swimming pool in all of her eight houses. I think it takes a lot of nerve to expect all of America to better themselves when she doesn’t take care of her own health and weight issues.

17. Tattoos, body piercing and the new trend of ear gauging with the big African-style loops that distort the lobe into a hideous display of anger and disrespect for the human body.

18. Affairs, unmarried sex, lies, flirting, cheating. Anything that undermines a sacred marital relationship. And as a result displaces children, warps their present and future relationships, resulting in the upheaval of society, creating single-parent families trying to raise innocent children on the backs of the welfare system.

19. Not knowing exactly what vitamins I should be taking for my particular circumstances.

20. Plaque. Getting my teeth cleaned and having to admit I’m particularly lazy in the area of oral hygiene.

21. The whole Hollywood thing. I can’t believe intelligent, hard-working, honest, decent people have any desire to observe famous people posing and stroking themselves on the red carpet. It infuriates me when the ‘rest of us’ fall prey to their lack of morals, lack of clothing and lack of reality.

22. Perfectly good cell phones and computers that no longer function because they have become outdated and have to be upgraded to keep up with technology.

23. Otherwise wonderful, loving and adorable people who can’t for the life of themselves realize they are offspring of a benevolent God who wants them to turn to Him in all things. They insist of ruining their lives with the trappings and glitter of the dark one’s lure.

24. People who continue to tell the same version of a story they’ve realized was not true but who enjoy the thrill of upsetting others with their gossip and ‘inside’ information.

25. Debt. The enticement of ‘having it all’ without having the means to pay for it. The concept of instant gratification and being lured by easy credit. The effect it has on the entire country and the economic situation when people selfishly want, want, want without actually having worked for it.

January 3, 2010 Posted by | Cleansing the palette, Frustrations, Life | Leave a comment

menagerie

I didn’t sleep well again last night. It wasn’t the fluorescent digital clock that kept me up but upcoming possible posts marching across the landscape of my subconscious — across the theater of my mind. It reminded me of the 10 days Mother was hallucinating due to a prescribed potent antibiotic for bladder infection. She talked all night long in a monotone documentary-type drone reciting about bugs, grass, hay and dishes that seemed to envelop her sitting room in the assisted-living residence. She spoke of being captured by evil men and cried out over and over “I don’t understand why my family hasn’t come to get me. Surely they know I am missing.”

My dreams were like an audition: groups of ideas and words lining up and applying for a place in the blog. Some made sense but others were bizarre as my frontal lobes that govern logic were obviously disengaged. Bizarre combinations of events and people kept me from any amount of restful REM sleeping.

A phrase kept resurfacing throughout the night. “Week’s End.”

I had blogged earlier about finding a name for a weekly post I could use to sort things out, review the week, and list things I’m grateful for, or list things that make me crazy. A menagerie of perhaps unrelated events that have invaded my private thinking.

I think I found the perfect expression.

January 3, 2010 Posted by | And the winner is . . ., Silly | Leave a comment