Weighing Matters

my journey to b.e.t.t.e.r

200th post

Where does the time go? Time flies when you’re posting!

200 posts! What could I possibly say to make this post memorable. Special. Worthy. I thought about finishing my other post [post number 100] where I listed things about myself. Apparently it’s acceptable behavior in post-land to make 100 statements about yourself on the 100th post. I only made 50, so I’ve thought, occasionally, about finishing that.

But to tell the truth, I’m stinkin’ tired of talking ‘first person,’ talking about my hang-ups, my weight, my problems, my idiosyncrasies, my character flaws, my mistakes, my foibles. Tired of talking ups and downs, tired of junk food vs. healthy food. Tired of which exercises work for me, how much I like lifting, my measurements. Just tired of all that.

I want to do something to make me feel. good. right. now.

I want to feel wonderful.

And I know what’s going to take me there. A little gratitude.

1. I love my mom. I love her dearly. Her influence in my life blesses me every single day. Not many moments go by without me asking, “What would Mom do?” It might sound sacrilegious. I know a lot of people ask “What would Jesus do?” I’m pretty sure those two answers would compliment each other on nearly all occasions.

2. I adore my family. Each of my five children are so special to me. Each comes with different personalities, different priorities, different outlooks, but the world is a big place and my heart is a big heart. There’s room enough for all of them.

3. I’m so grateful for my employment which brings with it Wyoming retirement, insurance and benefits, paid vacations and holidays. It’s a good job despite some stressful occurences. I have great hours [early mornings] and nights and weekends off [usually.]

4. I love living where the seasons change. Even though my feet are freezing at this very moment, I so love a fresh snow fall, hearing geese overhead in Autumn, the heat of Summer and the fresh newness of each Spring day.

5. I love learning! I love hearing something amazing I’ve never heard before [or forgotten and get to hear it all over again.] Last Sunday I learned that God gave Moses power over the waters of the earth and he used his power majestically four times: parted the sea, turned water to blood, healed the poisonous water and struck the rock from which water then flowed in abundance. That is exciting!

6. Along with that, I learned the Council in Heaven was a series of councils rather than one long meeting. That makes so much sense to me, but I don’t think I had heard the concept before. Love it!

7. I am blessed with good health [at the moment] and I’m blessed to be able to use this body for everything I need. Just the other day I was somehow able to climb up into the Jeep without help [and without a ladder!] and later opened the door, aimed my feet toward the ground and slid out without incidence. Each day when I’m cleaning the halls I feel like a giraffe trying to bend myself in half to pick up a paper too big for the carpet sweeper, but I get there and back up again with relative speed.

8. I have several dear friends who would do anything for me. Friends I confide in, laugh with, cry with, call at any moment. And many, many close friends who enrich my life.

9. I was blessed to grow up in a huge family where I learned to survive hand-me down clothes, sharing one bathroom with eight other siblings and two parents, preparing meals, doing dishes and daily chores, learning to work together, play together, sing together and pray together.

10. Our home is almost mortgage free.

11. I’ve only been in one tornado and only felt a slight tremor during the Yellowstone earthquake a hundred years ago. I can’t imagine being in war-torn, storm-ravaged, or gang-infested areas of the world. I like my very quiet boring corner of the world.

12. I’m so blessed to know WHO I am, WHERE I came from, WHAT the heck I’m supposed to be doing with my life and WHERE I’m heading if I do the best I can.

13. I love my bed! Every single night when I climb in, the same words tumble out of my mouth “Oh, that feels so good!” And I snuggle down into my memory foam and succumb to my subconscious on my favorite feather pillow.

14. I’m blessed to know how to sew. I can fix lot’s of things, sew many, create a few and enjoy them all. I remember taking 4-H and then Home Ec. My mother sewed everything and all of us girls followed in her footsteps. OK, Louise, Eileen and Carol are fantastic sewers. I get along with what I need to do. I just signed up for a year-long quilting class and can’t wait to get my monthly projects started!

15. My five grandchildren mean all the world to me!

16. I have good teeth! I should have listed that third!

17. Laughter has always been easy for me. I love to be funny. I love to make someone else fall over with laughter. I love a good practical joke. I love good humor. I love to shriek in a movie. And I love to be around someone who makes me laugh out loud!

18. I love my living room furniture.

19. I am grateful for talents that keep me entertained, busy, able to give wedding gifts at a reasonable cost and assure that I’ve always got a project going if I get bored with life.

10. I love my new computer.

21. Ok. My Dad. I love my Dad. I just didn’t have that great of a relationship with him while he was alive. I’ve had a better one since he passed away. That sounds harsh. But it’s really not. It’s not. [I talk to him all the time, now. And I have great memories of him.] He was a very busy father. I felt like he was too busy for me. I felt kind of lost in the crowd. But I know, I KNOW, he worked his heart out for all of us kids. He did everything. He mowed and washed dishes and shopped and shoveled and took care of his mother and her three sisters. He planted a yearly garden and preserved it along side Mom. He planned for the future. He helped all of us with college. He helped a dear cousin of mine, financially. He overlooked so many of my faults. He was a great example of his beliefs and his faith. He provided for Mom so she was well taken care of the last 15 years without him. I know I disappointed him, but I know he loved me.

22. My life has been blessed by being able to spend so many summers at Green River Lakes. We’ve had every kind of memory possible, from grizzly bears, to 100 people sleeping on the floor in the lodge, to picking up one thousand cigarette butts and Hershey-kiss foils during our years as caretakers, to hikes and river rides and hypothermia and giardia. From inside-out tents in the dark, to pot-luck dinners. We’ve played Rook in the tent by lantern, seen Telescope Man and the Cook family for years, built rafts and sand cities, and canoed to the upper lake. We’ve had baptisms and family councils and church meetings on Sundays. We’ve made strawberry pie, and jello chilled in our little campground stream. We’ve hiked to the cave and called out to the whole world while standing on the highest boulder. We’ve ‘echoed’ hello’s across the glacier-made valley. We’ve picked layers of ice off our hand-washing water and nearly froze on occasional nights. We’ve had hail-ball fights in mid-July. We’ve been so hot we could only get relief by swimming in the corner swim hole at the bridge or laying in the lake. I’ve loved every single moment of Green River Lakes!

23. I love my Vita-Mix. Enough said!

24. The perfect color of sage green. After buying approximately nineteen cans of paint to match what I had in mind for a craft, I came upon the color ‘Streambed.’ It is beautiful! It is wonderful! You must have it if you love sage green!

25. Sunkist oranges.


January 15, 2010 Posted by | Blessings!, Just Stuff, Life | Leave a comment

how many times

Seriously, how many times can I say, “Oh darn, I gained three pounds. Oh yay, I lost them again!”

I quit!


January 15, 2010 Posted by | Weight just a minute | Leave a comment


I need to process. Or maybe I need to vent. My feelings are frayed, I’m vulnerable, annoyed, hurt, frazzled, embarrassed, frustrated and ticked. I’m also feeling a little shame for hanging on to this for so long.

So, I’m processing. I want to get over it.

There’s a co-worker who verbally accosted me on Wednesday. It’s not the first time we’ve had differences. [I considered her a friend. We attend church in the same ward. We’ve worked together for fifteen years.] We’ve had a few flare ups in the past. Last time I was more wrong than she was and I apologized, went to the injured third-party [a student office-aide] as well as the student’s mother and tried very hard to make it right. I spoke to the principal and apologized for my part of the problem.

The situation revolves around the school office insisting on buzzing [two buzzes] for me instead of calling for me by name over the intercom system. I can surely see the reason for that during class period. I would not want to be the cause of undue interruptions during school time The problem is they continually buzz before and after school, during the summer when students aren’t even there, and during teacher work days. [Let me say this has been going on for years! — me asking them not to do it, them continuing it.]

One day the secretary said to me, “Oh don’t let it bother you.” I said, “But I’m telling you it does bother me, so I’m asking you to change it.” [Just because someone insists that I shouldn’t be annoyed doesn’t really take care of my annoyed feelings!] I specifically asked her to let student aides know they should call me by name before and after school. The very next day we had the first blow-up. [She said she forgot to tell the student aide?!?] This was on a day when I had other things going on. My husband was home in bed, depressed, and hadn’t worked for several days and my battery was dead. Another co-worker had to come and get me early, early in the morning. Ugh.

So, yah, it was the last straw.

I do take full responsibility for my unprofessional behavior that day. And as I said, I did apologize and tried very hard to mend feelings and asked the specific student to not quit her job [she said repeatedly she wanted to quit her morning job anyway, long before this incident, and she did ultimately quit her before-school job but kept her lunch time position.]

Fast forward, next student aide.

Wednesday at 7:30 she doubled buzzed me. Fine. I called her and asked what was needed and she explained. I was walking toward the office and pleasantly said “If you just want to page me when you need anything, I’ll come right away.” She smiled. I smiled. I wasn’t trying to cause a problem. I was cheerful, helpful, doing my job, going my merry way. I immediately took care of the situation she had buzzed me for. [I did not say “page me by name, or don’t use two beeps, just “If you just want to page me when you need anything, I’ll come right away.” My exact words. One sentence. Big smile. Happy me.]

At 8:08 I was being yelled at. I was being abused! I was being humiliated in front of the students. I was being treated like a nincompoop!

I said “Can we talk about this?”

“NO.” Screaming NO, not just talking no.

[Believe me, there was much more to this conversation, but it’s ugly and would take so much space. I’ll just say I tried very hard to get the situation resolved and was very accommodating, polite, professional and soft-spoken the entire time!]

I asked the student, was I rude to you? She said I wasn’t. I said did I offend you? She said I didn’t.

I said, “Wow!” The student shrugged her shoulders several times and told me later she didn’t know why the total overreaction.

But the secretary went to the principle, he went to a administrator’s meeting, I was reprimanded. [No reprimand for the secretary who was s*c*r*e*a*m*i*n*g at a co-worker, in public, no less!]

Later: “I’m sorry I popped off at you like that.” [Then she totally eliminated the apology by telling me I remind her of a former employee who was terrible, TERRIBLE, to both of us.]

Really? That’s it?

Our “friendship” took a direct hit! There was collateral damage! I will be professional, polite, certainly civil, continue to do my job. But no. I need to take care of me. I won’t be putting myself in the cross-hairs again. If she actually is sorry . . . she needs to UNdo the damage she did.

Everything goes back to normal?

I don’t feel normal!

I need to process. Or maybe I need to vent. My feelings are frayed, I’m vulnerable, annoyed, hurt, frazzled, embarrassed, frustrated and ticked. I’m also feeling a little shame for hanging on to this for so long.

* * *

And, yes, my weight is up. I stuffed these emotions. It’s what I do. It’s what I’m good at.

January 15, 2010 Posted by | Frustrations, Where it hurts | 1 Comment