Weighing Matters

my journey to b.e.t.t.e.r

Week’s End

I’ve wanted the opportunity to write each week something I’ve discovered about myself, life, others — and do it consistently throughout the months and year. I notice I write the majority of my posts on the weekend when I have time to think, time to process; so I’m calling this post Week’s End, to signify a different kind of prose. This post will be personal, perhaps a little more serious, and something from my heart. That’s the goal. I’m not sure it will be of value to anyone else, but myself.

This week I learned I have a desire to stay connected to my roots, my family and my descendents. Several years ago my grandchildren gave me 100+ questions on small strips of brightly colored paper which were supposed to help me write my history. I half-heartedly gave it a try, but quit after writing perhaps a handful of responses. I felt like they were invasive and too personal to be writing down or saying out loud. I didn’t want anyone to know how many mistakes I made growing up and into adulthood. I was ashamed and embarrassed, but the more I thought of it, perhaps my children and grandchildren can learn from the mistakes of one old grandma.

So here we go [reaching into the giant 2 gallon glass jar with the apothecary lid].

Question 113. Tell about your teenage social life, your friends, dances, movies, dating, outings, church activities, etc.

[See, I’m just saying.]

I’m not proud of the way I behaved as a teenager. I dated way too early and too seriously. I didn’t have a good relationship with my Father so [looking back] I can see how I sought the approval of the male gender. I often dressed like a tramp and acted like one. I subsequently got pregnant at the age of sixteen and pretty much messed up my life and my baby’s.

I know this kind of behavior contributed to breaking my parent’s hearts and shaming my family. My only hope is that others who are at this stage of their life will actually learn from my experience and not date until they are older, double date with good friends, come home at a decent hour and be honest with themselves in all their activities. I pretended that I believed since I didn’t feel love from my dad that I needed to find ‘love’ somewhere else. But it’s been a whole lifetime of sorrow and regrets.

Ok. On a lighter note I learned something else this week. [See how uncomfortable that made me?]

Tracy and I were heading to town to have one last shopping binge and as I turned on the heat in the car I noticed a sickly sweet smell coming from the engine area. As I turned up the heater, I noticed it becoming stronger and stronger until I became quite worried that her cats had climbed up under the hood near the warm engine and had dragged some food out of the garbage to eat there. It smelled like cookies or cake or something that was getting increasingly more warm. After about five minutes of discussing this with Tracy I realized I had just put on some lip gloss called Cinnamon Sticky Buns and I was smelling my own lips as the car got warmer.

Demented. I know.


January 3, 2010 Posted by | And that's a wrap, Life, Out of the closet | Leave a comment

Happy New You!

Just wanted to say Happy New You one and all.

Happy journey to b.e.t.t.e.r

Happy journey to h.e.a.l.t.h

Happy journey to c.o.n.t.e.n.t.m.e.n.t

Happy journey to a.n.s.w.e.r.s

Happy journey to p.e.a.c.e

Happy journey to l.o.v.e

Happy journey to j.o.y

Happy journey to y.o.u

Love, me

December 31, 2009 Posted by | And that's a wrap, Celebration, Holidays | Leave a comment

and you can quote me . ..

The best six doctors anywhere
And no one can deny it
Are sunshine, water, rest, and air
Exercise and diet.~ Wayne Fields

I’ve spent the last hour googling and reading diet quotes / health quotes / life quotes. Some are just plain silly and obnoxious, but others are inspirational. There is something powerful and wonderful about a well written idea — the smooth flow of words, the double meaning, the thought provoking truth. Some of the quotes date back to the 17-1800’s! They’re from Napoleon, Cicero, Mark Twain and Shakespeare. Others are by Erma Bombeck, Meryl Streep and Dr. Oz. Evidently, health, diet and wellness have been on the minds of deep thinkers for generations. Here’s one:

It’s no coincidence that four of the six letters in health are “heal.” ~Ed Northstrum

My present quest is wellness which is defined by Wikipedia as a healthy balance of the mind, body and spirit that results in an overall feeling of well-being. Wellness is more than disease free. It is a fused state of mind and body, where both are at peace with each other as well as the outside environment. Weight Watchers recommends that we think of and write down our goal. I’ve discovered for myself it has to includes more than being at a healthy weight. It is more than eating and feeding my body well. It also encompasses feeding my spirit and soul.

Last year I spent several months experimenting with personal wellness. I decided to do something in four areas each day: mental, physical, emotional and spiritual. I made a chart and daily checked it off. Sometimes an activity let me mark two things at once, for example reading scriptures and recording impressions filled both categories of mental and spiritual. Taking a walk is both emotional and physical especially when I witness a spectacular sunrise or hear squawking sandhill cranes in the field by the river. I would write a note or send a postcard to someone I admire. I exercised each day. I was at goal. It was an amazing journey. I felt good and I felt good about myself! People noticed and asked what was different and I would answer, “I have a new best friend.” [It was me!] I highly recommend that we treat ourselves as our best friend. I don’t know why I stopped. Somewhere along the way, I lost enthusiasm, I got my feelings hurt one day, I forgot how wonderful I had been feeling and I gave up on me. Although it was a rewarding pursuit — both enriching and healing — I lost my focus. Or I got lazy and complacent.

Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at a the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow.’ ~Mary Anne Racmacher


Wellness is my responsibility. It is your responsibility. It’s a connection of paths: knowledge and action.

Live with intention. Walk to the edge. Listen hard. Practice wellness. Play with abandon. Laugh. Choose with no regret. Appreciate your friends. Continue to learn. Do what you love. Live as if this is all there is. ~ Racmacher

Today is Saturday. Two weeks ago I started to eat healthy and write this blog. In those two weeks I’ve lost weight, and I have gained comittment, strength, courage, resolve. I’ve gained a little muscle tone. I’ve seen good results — which is precisely what I needed to stay the course. I needed to see a change to give me incentive to continue. I’ve overcome some obstacles. I’ve spent less time watching TV. I’ve read a book. I’ve seen my skin improve and my stomach less flabby. Last night before bed I did 100 crunches. I know it’s crazy but I wanted to do them! It felt great! I’m worth this hard work, and you can quote me!

Woohoo! 153. And this morning I made myself an egg-white and veggie omelet topped with salsa! Then a Live Morning Smoothie. Oh yah, world, I’m getting back on track!

May 16, 2009 Posted by | And that's a wrap | Leave a comment