Weighing Matters

my journey to b.e.t.t.e.r

split second

All it takes is a split second to be in control, really (or out of control). The instant you put that bag of Cheetos in your cart at Wal-Mart is a split second decision pushing you in the wrong direction, but if, at ANY moment during the rest of your shopping trip, you have a split second of sanity and realize those Cheetos should not be in your cart, then all it takes is literally an INSTANT to grab the bag, stick it on a shelf and walk away. That’s it. Decision made. Action taken. No arguing with yourself, no agonizing, no thinking. Just stick them somewhere and go. Same with those leftover goodies in your house. If you are still eating them and regretting it, it only takes a split second of control to turn things around by grabbing them and mashing them into the trash and covering them with garbage or salt or ketchup or whatever. That’s all it takes. When the truffles I got as a gift for Christmas were bugging me, I wanted to eat them. But as I was taking one out of the box, I had a split second of clarity and grabbed a huge handful and ran to the kitchen sink, turned on the hot water and held the truffles under the faucet. It felt ridiculous… chocolate oozing all over my hands, making a mess, and then putting dish soap on the remains to get them down the drain… but it feels a lot less ridiculous to do that than to shove them in my face and watch my body grow new fat rolls.

Grab your split second. That’s all it takes.

[Credit where credit is due: this all from over at Escape from Obesity]

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January 16, 2010 Posted by | Commitment, Connecting, Diet 101 | Leave a comment

t.h.i.s t.i.m.e

95% of us will gain all the weight back, plus some. That’s what they say. That’s the statistic.

Not much hope available! No encouragement whatsoever. I’ve actually been there several times myself — in the 95 percentile. So how can this time, THIS TIME, be different?

For many people weight loss is a chronic endeavor. All too often the shedding of pounds is a temporary event followed by a steady regain of lost weight. Most popular diets are unsuccessful in the long run because they fail to address the multi-faceted nature of what successful, permanent weight loss entails: m.a.i.n.t.e.n.a.n.c.e.

Maintenance is a boring word. But it’s an important one. It’s where you can really get caught up because there’s no daily/weekly set goal. There’s no one there at the scale to say Woo hoo, you did it.

When you reach the maintenance phase it’s all about what happens after you lose the weight, when nobody wants to talk about it anymore. You’ve done what you had to do and now you’ve got the rest of your life to live.

Valerie Bertinelli, author of “Losing It” [and Gaining my Life Back One Pound at a Time ] and more recently “Finding It” [Satisfying my Hunger for Life without Opening the Fridge] has written about her two-and-a-half year weight-loss story. She is funny, blunt, and says so much of what I want to say.

“At the time, I weighed 132.2 pounds, down 40 pounds from when I had begun a very public diet earlier that spring. I had already surpassed my original weight loss goal of 30 pounds and at some point — I had failed to note it on my calendar — I had gone from losing weight to being on maintenance.

I had talked about maintenance for months as if it were a change of life. But I had no idea what it was really about. I figured I would learn once I got there. Then I got there and wondered what it was that I was supposed to be maintaining. My life was in flux — it wasn’t work-in-progress as much as it was simply work. As I would find out, maintenance was exactly that — more work.

And it was life work, not losing-weight work.

If my weight was a barometer of the rest of my life, I still wasn’t where I wanted to be. In addition to concern about my weight, I also knew that I could be better, kinder, smarter, more disciplined, compassionate, patient, and loving. I wanted to feel like I mattered. I yearned for a lightness of being that couldn’t be measured on a scale. I wanted to feel whole, peaceful, and connected to a Higher Power even if just for a few moments.”

That’s exactly what I want for myself: Wholeness. Peace. Connectivity. I want to feel like I matter. I want to feel like I made a difference somewhere, to someone.

And I feel like I’m precariously perched on a high cliff or a tightrope where I could freefall back into old destructive, self-loathing habits. I feel like I’ve come to one of those turnabouts in Idaho Falls, where I could literally go around all day if I didn’t know which direction I was heading.

I’ve checked my own barometer. I also recognize I want to be better, kinder, smarter, more disciplined, compassionate, patient, and loving.

Maintenance is not just about the calories we put into our body. Its trying to figure out why we gained that weight in the first place and really tackling those inner demons.

Weight, for me, is a symptom of what’s going on emotionally. It’s about not being able to give a voice to all the emotions I feel and the stress that comes with that impairment. It’s about the choices I’ve made in life that led to stuffing my feelings and trying to calm them with a mouth full of food.

I so want to be in the 5 percentile! I so want to win this self-imposed civil war. I so want to be able to concentrate on something else more important and more self-building than my weight for the next 30 years.

And I want to quit hiding from the one person who could help solve my problems: me.

This time!

January 13, 2010 Posted by | Commitment, Diet 101 | 4 Comments

176-141=feeling good

OK world, I’m going to get brave here for thirty seconds and post my ‘before’ picture. This was taken in October 2005? 2006? at my Sister, Louise’s, mission farewell. I remember that day. I weighed 176. I also remember thinking I could hide behind those sun glasses. I couldn’t even really smile genuinely. Take a look at that arm. Holy cow! It has folds in it just above my elbow where I’m resting it on my Thigh of Gibraltar.

This picture, in all it’s glory, is on my fridge where I look at it many, many times a day. I have another smaller version in my purse right where I keep my money, so each time I stick my hand in there, I pull out this picture for a reality check.

***

Sister, Janet, took this next photo at our recent [12-12-09] Brother/Sister Christmas party and I’m much happier with it. I felt good. That’s my new pink sweater [Sam’s] and my slim jeans [Wal-mart]. I weighed 141 and just felt like I was starting to get it all together. I hope by next Christmas I’ll still fit into the same pants and that I’ll still be feeling strong and healthy. I’d really like to throw that green dress out, or give it to DI. I don’t know why I’ve been hanging onto it for 5 years!

From back left, Mel, Alice, me, Diane, Glenda, Eileen, Rob, Carol and Mike. Then front from left, Renita, Louise, my twin, Dave, and Janet. This is my family and I love each one of them so dearly!

***

I remember as a child seeing pictures of my Mother’s family all together, Grandma Rollins’ family, my dad’s brothers and sisters and all his aunts and uncles. Maybe in thirty years this will be the picture all the grandkids and grandkids are looking at and wondering who they are . . .

December 22, 2009 Posted by | Diet 101, Goals, Weight just a minute, Yay! | Leave a comment