Weighing Matters

my journey to b.e.t.t.e.r

a fool’s hope

Ok, reality bites a tiny bit. After gaining, and measurements [ugh] and too-tight pants I’m so ready to get back on track. So far, two good [excellent] days in a row! It was so frightening to be so out of control so quickly — and right after a couple of good weeks. Wow. Many ‘so‘s in those sentences.] I had been sailing along at 140-141, clothes fitting great. I was exercising regularly and making good food choices, [made it through the five Christmas parties] and then * * *k.a.b.o.o.m * * *

And the weird thing is, I made it through Christmas and even New Years. But the day after that I [somehow] gave myself permission to pork out. And the combination of having not exercised regularly and eating like a sink hole, with my fat cells wide [Pac-Man like] open, the fat just glommed on. It found a home on my stomach and thighs!

I’m so disgusted.

But the scale is slowing and consistently heading back down. This morning I’m 141. Now I need to get the measuring tape back where it was, and that only comes from one thing. Exercise!

This is like so many other things that never stay done. Dishes, laundry, dusting, vacuuming. It’s a daily chore! You fall into that false hope that when you DO something it will remain DONE. Not so. I’m here to tell ya!

I’ve been reading Emily Watts’ Take Two Chocolates and Call Me in the Morning. In her chapter ‘Quit Trying to Finish the Laundry,’ she explains it’s a fool’s hope! Most of us live in denial of the fact that so many of the tasks of our lives partake of this cyclical, unfinished nature. We like closure. We like to finish things! And so we live in mild despair, feeling as though we’re never accomplishing anything because nothing seems to stay accomplished!

She continues: I think the first step we need to take is to let go of our denial and accept the fact that as long as we’re alive and kicking there are some jobs that will have to be done again and again. Knowing that this is the way the world works, we can then set about asking ourselves what we can gain from it.

One immediately evident benefit of the phenomenon of never-finished business is that it teaches us to value process over product. Since ‘products’ seem to be few and far between, whereas ‘process’ is with us every day, it makes sense that we’ll be happier if we can learn to relax and enjoy doing as much as we enjoy finishing.

This is crazy-foreign to me. I rarely allow myself to enjoy the process. I’m for getting things done and believing they should stay that way. Sometimes I openly rebel because I can’t accept that dust appears every single day. I say to myself almost everyday: No I refuse to dust! I already dusted a couple of weeks ago and since nobody lives here anymore, it shouldn’t need dusting again so soon!

I do try to get dishes and laundry done every day, but dusting? Vacuuming? No.

Daughter, Mikelle, on the other hand, does both — sometimes twice a day! I’m telling you crazy-foreign!

But back to exercise. I know! I truly know and understand I need to exercise at least three times a week. Every single expert and semi-expert [and pseudo-expert] on the face of the earth is telling us this — wherever you look! It’s on every talk show, every radio show, every women’s magazine, every reality show. It’s in everyone’s N.Y.’s resolution. I even hear it in church from the pulpit.

So, yah, I know. I just thought for a minute that I could get a way with not doing it for a while. Kind of like dusting and vacuuming.

I’m heading up right now for hydrants and leg lifts and one-thousand-fifty-three crunches while I watch the Today show.

January 9, 2010 Posted by | Commitment, Dang it!, Exercise | Leave a comment

dishes

I love doing dishes. Well that’s not entirely true. I love having the dishes done.

Doing dishes, for me, has always served a double purpose. For example, when we are camping I insist on washing dishes every single meal for the ten-day period because I want my hands clean! It’s the only time I can really get under those nails, get the pine sap and soot off.

When I’m at home I want the dishes done because I hate the clutter. I want the dishes either in the cupboard or in the dishwasher. I’m still trying, after 23 years, to train hubby to put them in the dishwasher or at the very minimum, to at least check and see if they fit in there. [But no.]

I’m at Tracy’s for a few days and just woke up to last night’s dishes in the sink, on the cabinet and stove. I washed them all and laid them out on a towel to dry. I wash here for two reasons. To get rid of the clutter — she has an enormous amount of dishes with four children and three meals a day — it just, logically, all backs up. And second to keep warm! Their water heater is turned to 180 degrees but the house is usually around sixty. They are all very hearty people and used to the cooler temperature in their all-electric home. I’m sure it costs about the same as a monthly house payment to keep this place warm in the winter so I can understand why the heat is low. But every chance I get to turn on the hot water and keep my hands there for twenty minutes I take it.

It wreaks havoc with my manicure, but it’s very utilitarian. The greater good, you know.

So it is with everything else. I was thinking of how it fits with eating healthy and exercise. You can probably make the leap yourself . . .

Even though I love it when I’m in the groove, [when I start to crave daily exercise and wouldn’t go a day without] I don’t particularly like to exercise right now after not doing it consistently and mindfully the last 2-3 weeks. [It’s a lot like starting over.] But I did exercise yesterday right on Tracy’s livingroom floor — I did 100 abs and the whole round of hydrants and back leg lifts. Then I did squats on the wall for three 30-second holds. [killer!] And I love-hated the feeling throughout the day when my muscles were actually aching. [It’s been a while since I felt that.]

I have to make myself do it. Yesterday legs and abs, this morning arms and chest. I have to make myself until I want to exercise. I have to live as though I’ve got it all together until I get it all together!

This morning I added some core exercises because I’ve known for some time I needed to. Can I just say it hurts every part of my body to try to hold myself up on my elbows and toes for 30 second increments. My back hurts, my tummy hurts and of course my elbows and toes ache like crazy! But it’s for the greater good. Evidently this group of muscles steadies the frame and keeps everything lined up properly. “When the core muscles are weak, other muscles have to compensate and take over functions they weren’t designed to perform, so they can’t work at their peak efficiently and they get stretched in unnatural ways.” [This from my new book, I Hate it When Exercise is the Answer.]

Dishes. Exercise.

I do each because I like what it produces. Not the process. It’s the end I’ve got in mind. No pun intended.

December 31, 2009 Posted by | Children, family, Exercise, Work | Leave a comment