Weighing Matters

my journey to b.e.t.t.e.r

MLK-UGH

Short term memory. Heck, ANY memory would be nice.

I’ve known it was going to be a holiday all month. Scott and I talked about it a couple of times on our way to Ogden on Saturday. But, somehow, I forgot. I went to bed around 9:00 last night and set the alarm for 4:15. This morning I hurried and got up, took a shower, and when drying off, glanced at the calendar in the bathroom. Monday, January 18, Martin Luther King Day.

OK. Change of plans.

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January 18, 2010 Posted by | Frustrations, Holidays, Silly, Ugh! | 1 Comment

comments

I read several blogs. NieNie, Balancing Everything, Second Wind, Travis, C Jane, Hey Shelby, Wet Oatmeal Kisses, The Lazy Organizer, Emily Watts, Apron Girls. I may not find time to read every day, but I try to keep up with what’s happening. I at least skim over them and if there’s something I’m interested in I stop and read. And I comment.

I’m always amazed at the number of comments they have. The number of readers!

My daughter, the new Mrs. Hull, said the other day that she reads Weighing Matters every single day. She said she loves it. She laughs with me, she cries with me. I said “Really? Why don’t you ever comment?” She said “I don’t know how!”

So I told her how. I said just go to the bottom of that particular post and click COMMENTS and share your thoughts. Simple as that!

So five days in a row I’ve checked to see if there’s a comment. But no. This from a girl who talks a lot, has an opinion on many things, has set her own mind about everything her whole life, is Miss Independent, and who now has access to a computer every single day!

Maybe she’s afraid of embarrassing herself, but, seriously, what could be more embarrassing than having your mother have to beg for a comment?

[If you don’t want to comment using your own name and email, could you at least establish a couple of other fake emails and pretend you are someone else and comment once in a while? I’d even be OK with that.]

Love you!

January 13, 2010 Posted by | Oh puhLEASE!, Posting, Silly, Try it! | 9 Comments

standby

This has been a great day! Fabulous! Despite being totally sleep deprived and having several co-workers ask if I was on new meds or in a car collision, I feel great. I’ve eaten pretty healthy for the last five days — was able to totally avoid two kinds of cheese cake, ‘better than football’ cake, second helpings of orange-pudding desert and the wedding cake altogether. And I weighted 141 this morning. Still not where I want to be on so many levels. Still not exercising like I need to be, but I didn’t stuff myself or get into the sugars and sweets all weekend.

An accomplishment for me!

Maybe I have learned something after all! Maybe I do have a fighting chance to get/keep this under control. And even though hubby still hasn’t taken those last three Giant candy bars to work with him, [like he promised he would!] I didn’t eat them. I didn’t even go into the bedroom after he was asleep and look at them in the dim light of the TV. I didn’t touch them or smell them. I actually forgot about them — and that’s progress!

Right now he’s eating cheese-in-the-crust stuffed pizza and I’m snacking on walnuts. I had two fried-egg sandwiches [whole grain tortilla] and I think I’m going to be OK for the rest of the night. In case I start to lose it, I’ve got an orange and banana on standby.

hee hee hee

January 11, 2010 Posted by | Check it out!, Silly | Leave a comment

apparently

Apparently the pants I wear are unflattering. Apparently they don’t connect with fashion and womanhood. Apparently they don’t compliment my body shape. Apparently I shouldn’t be buying pants with the double seam up the outside of the leg.

That’s what I hear.

I love them! They are cheap inexpensive, dark blue, fit like a glove, come all the way up to my waist. What more could I want?

I’ve tried other pants. I have. I’ve tried on the ones that flare at the bottom and drag on the floor. I’ve tried the ones that only come a hair past my hair. [oops, sorry] I’ve tried the ones that are supposed to flatter my backside. I’ve tried the ones with decorative pockets and flaps in the back, but I really don’t need to draw attention to that side of me anyway. I’ve tried the ones that cost a fortune and really do look nice but I can’t afford anyway. So I buy these. And I love them.

I actually own 62 pair of pants with the double seam up the side. Of course they are various sizes and colors and lengths. Some are at least 15 years old. Some are just a couple of months old. Some are 35 pounds ago. One pair is for the near future when I lose five more pounds. Some have the button fly and others zip. But they all are heading to blanket-ville.

My daughter’s right. I shouldn’t have bought pants with the double seam. But not for the reason she used to support her cause. It’s because I’m having a hard time sewing through the double seam to make my quilt.

January 11, 2010 Posted by | Dang it!, Life, Silly | 2 Comments

menagerie

I didn’t sleep well again last night. It wasn’t the fluorescent digital clock that kept me up but upcoming possible posts marching across the landscape of my subconscious — across the theater of my mind. It reminded me of the 10 days Mother was hallucinating due to a prescribed potent antibiotic for bladder infection. She talked all night long in a monotone documentary-type drone reciting about bugs, grass, hay and dishes that seemed to envelop her sitting room in the assisted-living residence. She spoke of being captured by evil men and cried out over and over “I don’t understand why my family hasn’t come to get me. Surely they know I am missing.”

My dreams were like an audition: groups of ideas and words lining up and applying for a place in the blog. Some made sense but others were bizarre as my frontal lobes that govern logic were obviously disengaged. Bizarre combinations of events and people kept me from any amount of restful REM sleeping.

A phrase kept resurfacing throughout the night. “Week’s End.”

I had blogged earlier about finding a name for a weekly post I could use to sort things out, review the week, and list things I’m grateful for, or list things that make me crazy. A menagerie of perhaps unrelated events that have invaded my private thinking.

I think I found the perfect expression.

January 3, 2010 Posted by | And the winner is . . ., Silly | Leave a comment

12:12

I must not have been sleeping particularly well last night because, where, I usually notice the digital clock a couple of times a night, I took note of it all night long!

I’ve posted before about numbers. I love them. I observe the patterns in numbers. Last night I saw 10:10, 11:11, grabbed the camera at 12:12, then saw 2:23, [missed it by one] 4:44 and 5:55. Granted, I’m usually awake at the two latest times, but this is Sunday morning and I could have been sleeping!

Where this all started:

I lived in Pennsylvania in a little cement home with then husband, Barry, Scott, Tracy and Cameron. One night I looked at the digital and it said 2:22. I didn’t think much of it, but when the next several nights in a row I woke up at exactly the same time and saw the clock at 2:22 I got a little scared. I actually attributed it to Satan. I thought he was trying to give me some kind of demonic message. I was afraid to go to sleep. I was frightened for me and my little family.

Well,  I resolved to change the experience into something else. I decided I was going to make 2:22 my lucky number. I took the matter into my own hands and determined for myself that Satan was going to have nothing to do with the entire situation. I remember feeling strong about it. I remember thinking [at the relatively young age of 26] it was my responsibility to protect myself and my family!

So bizarre! So bizarre!

So, fast forward 30+ years. I still see the clock several times a night or wake up just as it is turning to a sequential numeral. But I insist it’s a lucky moment in time. I maintain that God is aware of me and behave as though an angel from heaven is stopping by to say “hello my sweet.”

December 27, 2009 Posted by | Numbers, OCD, Silly | 2 Comments

to Fisher

Dear Fisher,

Grampa Leonard just showed me that Jack was sleeping under the ladder with the throw on it. But the funny thing is, Jack has his feet under the little bench and has them sticking out of the hole under the leg. Pretty funny, Fisher.

Love, Bommer

December 26, 2009 Posted by | Grandchildren, Man's best friends, Silly | 1 Comment

“CHRISTMAS CHEER!”

When Mom was alive we would all try to be the first to call and say “Christmas Cheer” before the person on the other end of the line would say those same words. It was a competition, a family tradition. I’m not sure where it started but it is fast in all our Christmas customs.

We expanded it to be the required phrase to say during other holidays: “Easter Cheer,” even “Fourth of July Cheer!” “Camping Cheer!” It became nonsensical. Silly. But I’ll miss calling Mom this morning and racing her to the line. Instead, I’ll turn my head toward heaven and call out the musical phrase. “Christmas Cheer, Mom.”

“Heaven Cheer” up there to you sweet Mother!”

December 25, 2009 Posted by | Children, family, Holidays, Silly | Leave a comment

posting on posting

Scott’s been making fun again. He makes fun of me blogging. He came upstairs after reading about the laundry baskets and asked if I had seen his basket! He says things like, “What does it feel like to know you’re never done?” And the other night he laid on the couch rubbing his tummy and said “I think I ate too much. I feel like I should go blog!”

And since blogging is about being self-absorbed and self-important — as if anyone else in the world would be interested in, say, what foods are sitting on top of the fridge, whether or not our cat is lazy, how much I weigh on a daily basis, and how I feel about Christmas — he mimics me throughout the day. [it’s all in fun . . .]  Yesterday we went to Murdock’s for some last-minute shopping and as we were walking in he said in a sing-songy mocking voice, “I was doing some last-minute shopping at Murdock’s  . . .” I had Mikelle trying on cute hats and he jokingly said, “This would be good to blog about, you could call it “tHAT‘s interesting!” [See the ‘hat’ in the middle of the word?] I wanted one of them to go grab the camera from the car so I could indeed blog about it, but they both refused with identically-emphatic insistent ‘NO’s! Yes, blogging is, by definition, “the self-absorbed nature of publishing details of my life online.”

I asked him if he read my post about the bathroom sink and he said “Do you actually think anyone reads that stuff”? Then he slyly added, “I only look at it if it has anything about me.”[Oh my, we’re all a little self-absorbed!]

When I actually WAS taking pictures of Mikelle in a cute hat to sent to granddaughter, Blythe, to replicate for me, she said “Don’t you dare put that on your blog!” I’m so camera illiterate I ended up taking a movie instead of a picture, or I would have!

We write to taste life twice, once in the moment and in retrospection. [Anais Nin]

I started posting in an attempt to be more honest with myself about a personal problem, and the more I wrote, the stronger my need to succeed. It’s also been a journey to my awareness, to acknowledging my many weaknesses and a way to momentarily escape my reality. [Additionally, it gets me away from the couch and too much TV, and thus, away from the fridge and the kitchen!]

Self-knowledge through journaling is a source of personal liberation.

Sharon O’Brien said “Writing became such a process of discovery that I couldn’t wait to get to work in the morning:  I wanted to know what I was going to say!”

Such it’s been with my endeavor. Many times I didn’t allow myself to feel the anger, the pain or the disgust until I put it down in keystrokes. Other times I didn’t realize something was important to me until I verbalized it. Writing is both mask and unveiling. [E.B. Whit]

Sister, Carol, texted that she identified with my post on the same non-answers. Heck, I identified with me! It was uncomfortable to admit I’m such an unfeeling jerk. It destroyed me when Dad was cold and unfeeling, and then I accidently vebalized the same about myself.

Posting has introduced me to myself. I’m a terrible writer, but I so enjoy the editing process. I love my thesaurus and I delight in proper punctuation. And it’s emancipating to be confessedly obsessive with character flaw. [Seriously. It’s incredible how using a thesaurus can change a sentence!]

[If Scott knew I woke up at 5 am on Christmas morning and snuck down to the computer to write this post, I’m sure I’d never hear the end of it!] It’s ironic. Just yesterday Scott said sarcastically to me “Pretty soon you’ll be blogging about blogging!”

Truth is stranger than fiction!

December 25, 2009 Posted by | Posting, Silly | Leave a comment

where, oh, where

Do college kids take the laundry baskets? I swear my baskets disappear at approximately the same time I have company. I notice a sharp decline in toilet paper and shampoo, as well. My one year’s supply of toiletries and bathroom provisions seem to curiously dwindle at gathering times. At one point I had 10 baskets. This for darks, whites, reds, levis, towels, permanent press in the three colors, [whites, darks and reds] one basket in my bed room and one in the other. That’s ten.

I just bought four more and now I only have ten. Let’s see. I’m no math major, but . . .

About a month ago Mikelle came home and she didn’t have a suitcase with her. She actually carried her humongous amount of ‘STUFF’ in a laundry basket! [It looked suspiciously familiar but when asked about the coincidence she flatly denied any connection.]

Boyfriend, Logan, also showed up with all his belongings in a laundry basket. Scott brought a huge basket but I could see that it wasn’t mine. It was bigger and kind of a crescent shape.

Stephen recently moved to his own place and I have to admit I’ve wondered on occasion if any of my baskets went to visit him.

All of this proves many things, one of which is this: I can pretty much blog about anything of no consequence. My kids are upstairs wrapping Christmas presents and I have been banished to the basement. I could post about my total shipwreck of eating today but I’d rather go on and on about nothing important. Because I pretty much ate every little chocolate snack I could get my hands on this morning. And that’s in addition to the half “Giant” Cookies and Cream candy bar I ate in bed last night!

December 23, 2009 Posted by | Posting, Silly, Weight just a minute | Leave a comment