Weighing Matters

my journey to b.e.t.t.e.r

MLK-UGH

Short term memory. Heck, ANY memory would be nice.

I’ve known it was going to be a holiday all month. Scott and I talked about it a couple of times on our way to Ogden on Saturday. But, somehow, I forgot. I went to bed around 9:00 last night and set the alarm for 4:15. This morning I hurried and got up, took a shower, and when drying off, glanced at the calendar in the bathroom. Monday, January 18, Martin Luther King Day.

OK. Change of plans.

January 18, 2010 Posted by | Frustrations, Holidays, Silly, Ugh! | 1 Comment

sorry

I’m venting. I know. I’m still venting.

No need to lash out.

I need to work a little more on my p.r.o.c.e.s.s.i.n.g

Alrighty then. [Big smile.] I weight 141.5. I’m cleaning my bedroom. I’m exercising in my room with my new 7 and 8-pound weights. Having Bruce’s cereal and mangos for breakfast. Heading to Park City or Ogden with Scott and Andie. And I’m going to have a great day!

[This whole thing has turned out to be way too personal, way to revealing and way too uncomfortable for me lately.]

January 16, 2010 Posted by | Frustrations, Self-defeating, Ugh! | Leave a comment

measurements

Ok, this is depressing. If you’re already in a good mood, turn away! Quickly!

I knew things were feeling a little uncomfortable and a lot tighter the last week. So in the interest of complete disclosure and being totally honest with myself — something I’ve been forcing me to do thoughout this journey even when it’s not something I’m proud of — I took measurements this morning and sure enough, they’re up.

I knew it. I could feel it.

The last time I measured was November 11th. Why? Because I thought I’d never have to deal with gaining/losing again! Did I really believe that? I think I did. I thought this has taken me so so long I will never lose control again. But wow. What a boomerang! It came back and hit me right in the head!

So —  just trying for straight-forward openness. These were the numbers [the last in each row] on November 11th.

Bust was 40, then 38, then 37.5, then 37.5, then 37
Waist was 34, then 31, then 31, then 30.5, still 30.5
Abdomen was 40.5, then 36.5 then 35.5, then 34.5, still 34.5
Hips were 41, then 38.5, then, 38, then 37.5, still 37.5
Thigh was 24.75, then 22.75, then 22.25, then 22, then 21.5
Arm was 13.5, then 12, then 12, then 11.75, then 11.5

This morning I noticed I have gained pounds and inches.

Bust: 37 [same]
Waist: 31 [up .5]
Abdomen: 35.5 [up 1]
Hips: 37.5 [same]
Thighs: 22.5 [up 1]
Arm: 12 [up .5]

SEE how exact this science is! It’s Physics! Gain weight, gain the exact amount in inches. Lose weight lose the exact amount in inches.

Ok. This is my new starting point! I’m 142 this morning and I’m heading downward!

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”

January 8, 2010 Posted by | Measurements, Numbers, Ugh! | Leave a comment

on the prowl for chocolate

so far today:

yogurt, mangos, raspberries, walnuts
tossed salad with cottage cheese and a little ranch
two oranges
two hard egg roll-ups in spinach wraps
one small York peppermint pattie
a whole bag of 95% fat-free kettlecorn popcorn

started out good, finished up pretty poorly

i know where the last three GIANT candy bars are. they’re next to my bed in a wal-mart bag. on the right hand side, next to the kenmore sewing machine walking-foot attachment. someone told me to put dishwashing soap on them so they wouldn’t be a temptation. i know how many calories are in them [2820]. i know how many pounds that would make me gain. right now i don’t even care.

i need to get a life or just go to bed

[i need to move the candy bars away from the bed first]

January 7, 2010 Posted by | Ugh! | Leave a comment